Something that I wanted to create a tradition for, in my own life was related to the baby I lost during pregnancy. I longed to have some kind of ceremony to mark this ‘event’ in my life – to honour, acknowledge and say goodbye to my baby, even though I had never seen or held them.
The hospital that cared for me offered a communal ceremony, where everyone who had suffered a loss was invited to the hospital chapel to join together in an act of remembrance. I attended because I wanted to do something to acknowledge and honour my baby. But the overall experience didn’t feel quite right for me personally; partly because there was a religious element to the ceremony, and at the time, that wasn’t for me. And partly because it felt a little too generic – there were certainly families there who would have been better served by having their own private ceremony, as would I. And since that initial experience, I have created my own tradition to remember my baby loss at each anniversary.
The taboo of announcing your pregnancy before 12 weeks also provides an added challenge when our pregnancy loss happens before 12 weeks – dealing with your loss, knowing that no one else even knew your baby existed can be tough.
Holding a ceremony to acknowledge and honour your loss can be a stepping stone to moving through your grief and beginning to reconcile your feelings – just like a ‘proper’ funeral can be. A ceremony of this nature can be held at any time – whether your loss was two months, two years or twenty years ago.
Every woman has their own unique experience of loss and I’m here to support you by preparing and delivering a meaningful, authentic and beautiful ceremony for you that will acknowledge and honour your baby, in a trusted and respectful way. And by choosing to create your own tradition and ceremony you are giving yourself the gift of freedom of choice for the content, style and location of your ceremony.